Growing Up (10), a true kind of short love story - life lessons

Life lessons

My Purpose of Writing

My intention in sharing my experiences is not to self-promote, increase my follower count, or make it a career, unlike what many 'influencers' aim to do today. So, why do I take the time to write about my own life? Because in this fast-paced era, the world is saturated with superficiality and its harsh bluntness. I want to remind us of the importance of exploring our unique consciousness and rationality, our emotional depth, the concept of empathy, and being part of the endless quest for meaning in words, actions and life!

I prefer not to build a barrier around myself and assess the world from a lofty position. Rather, I wish to delve into the human mind, questioning why individuals complicate their own lives by choosing solitude and keeping everything to themselves instead of sharing freely and opening up to others.

I try not to judge; rather, I try to figure out why people behave like kings in a democracy, where everyone is created equal.

My aim is to support, inspire, and motivate those who have faced or are facing similar unjust and disrespectful treatment as I have, while navigating the journey of self-discovery and finding my place in society. This was true when I was a young man and remains so in my later years. Currently, people don't take you seriously and look down on you, not because of who you are or what you say, but because you don't belong to a certain societal group. Today, people don't engage in discussions but rather despise others; individuals with differing opinions are deliberately ignored and even ridiculed. Individuals who highlight your mistakes, criticize you because of their own insecurities, and belittle your efforts by mocking you publicly, whether at home, school, or work, can be challenging.

However, don't let negative influences drag you down or affect you to the point of giving up. Instead, consider the bigger picture, motivate yourself to rise, stand up and confront your adversaries, learn from both your own and others' mistakes, but refrain from doing anything harmful to yourself!

Out of necessity, I learned that the best initial response to an insult is a smile, which certainly catches the other person off guard! During a heated argument with my mother, she threatened to hit me out of her own anger. However, I smiled, calmly removed my glasses, and encouraged her, 'just do it'! She was so shocked that she turned around and left with her mouth wide open! In retrospect, this was one of the best yet saddest moments of my life. I felt proud for finally standing up after 15 years of submission, but I was heartbroken that it was necessary to do in the first place!

It helped me enormously to be more of a systematic than an arbitrary person. From a young age, I've tried to search for and understand the reasons behind many things. After I learned to ride a bicycle, I looked at it for a long time and understood that the chain is the most important thing to ride faster than a human could ever walk. I had the same attitude towards negativity or bullying - both are not by chance but rather by reason. There are always reasons why someone is against you, whether it be uncertainty, inexplicability, or insecurity from the very same person! You have to understand that you can't change others or the world, but you can focus on the reasons and try to learn from them! If criticism holds some truth from your own point of view, see it as a chance to learn and grow.

In school, there was a bully who sat behind me in chemistry class. When he insulted me, I stood up, turned around, and firmly told him to stop, which drew the attention of both the bully and the teacher! From that point on, I was never bullied again, and eventually, I even helped him with his homework.

I urge everyone to refrain from using others' problems as a justification to harm themselves or make poor choices. Steer clear of temporary escapes such as drugs and alcohol, as they offer only fleeting relief and do not address underlying issues. Confront your challenges directly, as this approach benefits your growth both in the short and long term. Embrace life and discover the numerous opportunities that exist beyond the familiar darkness—you possess the ability to turn any situation into something positive - if you believe it or not!

When the Philistines challenged the Jews to fight the giant Goliath, everyone was afraid. Only young shepherd stepped forward and said, "I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied." He killed the giant with a small stone. This same young man became King David, Israel's most famous king.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Dream On!

'Humans possess a moral conscience and are accountable for their decisions, while animals operate based on instinct and do not have the same capacity for moral judgment''.

The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS)

This moral conscience is influenced by a complex interaction of emotional, social, and environmental factors. Unfortunately, in my experience, most people tend to act on instincts rather than reasoning, which blurs the clear distinction between humans and animals.

In psychological context, the human nature refers to the fundamental

• dispositions (a person's inherent qualities of mind and character),

• characteristics (the relatively enduring patterns of thoughts, feeling, and behaviors that distinguish individuals from one another)

• tendencies (universal, innate behaviors or inclinations that are part of the human experience and influence how individuals interact with the world)

Although human nature encompasses empathy (the ability to understand and share another's feelings) and compassion (sympathetic concern for others' suffering or misfortune), people often behave quite differently in life.

Growing up in a broken family and, I might even say, in a very hostile and unfriendly environment, I was, of course, unaware of this 'human nature' from a very young age. But, without actually knowing, I somehow sensed that many human interactions and the environment my parents created seemed unnatural and simply wrong - whatever others would try to explain. To outsiders, these things seemed quite outrageous even if I would talk about them some 40 or 50 years later. I could complain about the unfairness of God placing me in such an environment, at risk of becoming the same like my parents—one a strong, violent Nazi and the other a weak alcoholic.

Yet, something profound within me stopped me from choosing their destructive path, guided me to identify and embrace my own values, see beyond these limitations, and strive for greater aspirations in life.

Until a certain age, I relied on my parents without question. However, this didn't restrict me in any way. When I listened to or read a story, I could dream, fight alongside knights, dine with kings, imagine living on an island with Robin, and become anyone I wanted. These dreams were untouchable, immune to insults or physical harm!

Importance of Education

Traditionally, education has been defined as 'the transmission of knowledge, skills, and character traits in diverse forms.' Learning has been highly esteemed and sought after, particularly by those with the means to pursue it. I was lucky to be raised in Germany, where state-run schools offered free education to everyone, emphasizing education as a public good. My parents didn't spend a cent on kindergarten, elementary, junior high, or even part-time business school. Moreover, the government provided us children with monthly child benefits, and we lived in affordable housing constructed and managed by the city.

My parents neither valued nor enjoyed this safety net, frequently lamenting about how 'poor' they were. Despite the supportive environment provided by various government agencies, my parents evidently found it challenging to fulfill the duties of being model parents, opting for violence and loud, angry voices instead of love and patience. They simply failed to provide us with a safe and humane environment where we could grow up as carefree children.

I understand, that growing up during WWII, they themselves were deprived of formal schooling, and it is possible that their own parents didn't fully grasp and support the significance of a 'proper' education. This might be an explanation but, for me, is not an excuse for violence and rage about your own children.

From a young age, I had the desire to explore my surroundings by myself, due to the lack of interested family members. Many times I felt so lonely among the five and later four children in our family, that I gave up on sharing, first with my family and later with neighbors or classmates. I remember, on the way from school back home I discovered a bright black-yellow salamander basking in the sun. Back home, my mother was angry because I was five minutes too late, but I never told her or anyone about this wonderful creature, until I wrote it down today.

In school it was going ok until I needed some items like books or other material for some extra classes.

During my teenage one years, my grades significantly dropped due to my deteriorating eyesight, which hindered my ability to see clearly. I resorted to copying what the teacher wrote on the blackboard from my classmates' notebooks. I told my mother, but she attributed it to the books I was reading in poor lighting, on which she economized. She considered glasses too expensive and postponed getting them for about two years, until my teacher reached out to her. Once my vision was corrected, my grades improved.

Because my mother intended to leave once her children became independent, she did not permit me to attend university, which was a significant blow for me. But I didn't give up and made efforts to educate myself in different ways. I devoured newspapers, magazines, and books, and learned to focus while others were speaking. Comparing these two worlds, I soon realized not to take for granted everything that others were saying, writing, or doing. Given the German Nazi history, I became particularly cautious about what others have to say, claim, or present to the audience. Even today, and particularly on social media, there are many people twisting the truth, using bullying tactics to intimidate, and disrespecting people just to get their own false and unjust agenda across.

Before engaging with social media and reaching out to people you will never meet, you have to be warned that there are many irrational people out there. Even you try to be a positive contributor, there are always people to put you down and let you feel bad. It is quite 'natural' when someone calls me "stupid old man, ride away," which I don't take as a personal result. It is more a sign of insecurity and irrationality, as many of these individuals resort to insults rather than acknowledging that they have hit a dead end or are mistaken. Especially during the presidencies of Donald Trump there is a clear pattern how these people work. They lie, and when they are caught, they don't admit but change the subject and talk so detailed about the other theme that you will forget their lies in the first place. This president does not have friends but he surrounds himself with people he can use and who worship him. And when they disagree, he fires them and literally works on their destruction!

Some commentator on X or Twitter ex-President Biden's cancer 'should grow up his a*s', despite knowing how terrible this disease is. Cancer is an uncontrolled cell growth and division which can spread to other parts, it is leading to abnormal cells that grow and invade surrounding tissues. In my non-professional opinion, the body eats itself in unbearable pain the end - and still humans wish it to others out of pure hate!

There are multiple reasons why I chose not to take the easier path of following in the footsteps of my alcoholic father to become a chain smoker who spends money on women like he did. I resisted becoming a violent Nazi like my mother, who idolized a man with a very flawed ideology yet couldn't love her own children. Despite growing up in a hostile environment, I strove to be true to myself and stay positive, improving myself while contributing positively to society—building up instead of destroying.

My purpose in writing isn't to promote myself or increase my follower count. I seek to inspire, encourage, and support others as they confront life's many challenges. Essentially, if someone criticizes or scolds you, don't let it bring you down. Instead, try to understand the reasons behind their negativity or bullying, and focus on bettering yourself. If the criticism holds truth, view it as a chance to learn and grow.

Avoid using other people's problems as a reason to harm yourself or make poor choices. Stay clear of cheap excuses like drugs and alcohol, they only help you to escape but don't solve anything. Instead, confront the enemies and embrace life and discover the endless opportunities beyond the familiar dark horizon—you can turn anything into something very positive.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

A child of God - learn to love yourself

My earliest memories involve rejection, being unwanted, being disrespected, coupled with physical and psychological abuse starting with both of my parents. Soon I realized that refusals continued with my aunts and uncles, my grandmother, even many neighbors and friends of my parents.

These experiences can drive you to the edge of believing you truly are (!) 'a failure' and 'have no reason to live', as my mother repeatedly instilled in my young mind. Only after attending the youth group in the church I learned that

''God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them."

(Genesis 1:27)".

The first time I heard these beautiful words they cut right into my young heart and I was moved to silent tears which some ran right down my face. I embraced them as a source of comfort and protection against any negativity aimed at my existence, insults no longer impacting me from then onwards. Over time, I learned not to take them seriously and let them affecting me; I started to see disrespect as a means for angry and envious individuals to vent their own frustrations.

Believe it or not, after understanding and accepting 'being a child of God', my initial anger and frustrations turned into something very powerful. I began to feel pity for my violent parents not realizing the same as me. Why should God punish his own creation? Isn't it that the humans themselves refuse to believe and choose not to live according to Him but rather than their own human standards and natures?

'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future' (Jeremiah 29:11).

The words from the Bible felt so different and refreshing compared to my mother's Nazi teachings and my young mind felt not only betrayed and deceived by her. She deeply hurt me with the questioning, 'why do you live while Goethe (a famous German poet) had to die?' As an adult, why do you intentionally cause your child distress, harming them due to your own shortcomings and failures?

God gave me words of clear hope for a promised future, even though my own mother questioned my reasons for living! I couldn't believe that God or the Bible was mistaken, so I decided to find refuge in Him rather than spending time with angry and frustrated individuals. I didn't become isolated but was instead selective about companionship, ensuring it guided me towards the light and not back to a dark chapter of my life.

If you are a person bullied by others please don't listen to the garbage of uneducated people but accept that you are unique, a child of God. Do not give up to believe in the sunshine after heavy clouds and even heavy rain pouring you! There is someone much more powerful, mightier on your side, "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Don't be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8."

'Walk on thru the wind

walk on thru the rain,

For your dreams be tossed and blown

Walk on, walk on,

With hope in your heard

And you'll never walk alone

Forgive

From the outside, it might not be obvious that I discovered God, and my relationship with my parents remained the same broken one. They seemed to have accepted their lives, but as someone growing up, I was still searching and trying to find my own way. Even though both of them made my first 20 years of my life miserable, it took me some time to find the power to forgive my parents and pray for their souls in Christ. As Jesus endured the cross, he said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing (Luke 23:34)." I went through pain and suffering because of my parents, and letting go was hard and very challenging - I am made of blood. But finally, I chose to followed Christ's example and gave in.

Numerous Bible verses highlight the necessity and significance of forgiveness, and in my personal experience, I felt a significant burden lifted from my shoulders. Although I still hunch, I felt light and free to concentrate on what I possess and what propels me forward, instead of what restrains me. I utilized this newfound freedom not for harboring grudges or biases, but to express gratitude to God, to learn, to grow, and to improve so I could positively impact others.

From being caged I could to fly - and this felt unbelievable free!

"14 For if you forgive others people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive yours sins." (Matthew 6)

Forgiveness is challenging because your heart and mind often disagree—this is part of human nature. However, considering the advantages it brings to your life, isn't it worthwhile?

(to be continued)